How to Start a Conversation with an Ex: Expert Tips for 2023

Want To Improve Your Looks & Body?

how to start a conversation with an ex

In This Article

Approaching Your Ex in a Friendly Manner: Tips and Advice

1. Reflect on your intentions

Before reaching out to your ex, take some time to reflect on why you want to initiate contact. Are you genuinely interested in reconnecting and rebuilding a friendship, or are you hoping for something more? It’s important to be honest with yourself about your intentions so that you can approach the conversation with clarity.

Additionally, consider whether enough time has passed since the breakup for both of you to heal and move on. If it’s still too soon, it may be best to give yourselves more space before attempting to reconnect.

2. Choose the right timing

Picking the right moment to reach out is crucial. Avoid contacting your ex when they might be busy or preoccupied, such as during work hours or late at night. Instead, choose a time when both of you are likely to be relaxed and open to conversation.

If possible, try to find an occasion or event that could serve as a natural starting point for reconnecting. For example, if you both have a shared interest in a particular hobby or sport, you could suggest attending an event together or discussing recent developments in that area.


  • Be patient and wait for the appropriate moment rather than rushing into reaching out.
  • Avoid contacting your ex when either of you is emotional or upset.
  • Consider any significant dates or anniversaries that might make it inappropriate to reach out (e.g., if the breakup occurred around their birthday).

Appropriate Opening Lines to Start a Conversation with Your Ex

1. Keep it casual and friendly

When initiating contact with your ex, it’s important to keep the opening line light and non-threatening. Start with a simple greeting, such as “Hey [ex’s name], how have you been?” This sets a friendly tone and shows that you are genuinely interested in their well-being.

Avoid jumping right into heavy or emotional topics. Instead, focus on finding common ground or shared experiences that can serve as a starting point for the conversation.

2. Mention positive memories or experiences

Another effective way to open a conversation with your ex is by referencing positive memories or experiences you shared together. For example, you could say something like, “I was just reminiscing about that amazing trip we took to [destination]. It was such an incredible experience.” This not only shows that you value the time you spent together but also provides an opportunity for them to engage in the conversation by sharing their own thoughts and memories.


  • Avoid using overly formal or distant language when reaching out.
  • Keep the opening line short and concise to avoid overwhelming your ex.
  • Show genuine interest in their well-being without prying too much into personal details.

Text, Phone Call, or In Person: Choosing the Best Way to Initiate Contact with Your Ex

1. Consider your ex’s communication preferences

When deciding whether to reach out via text, phone call, or in person, consider your ex’s preferred method of communication. If they typically respond better to texts or prefer written communication, sending a text message might be more appropriate. On the other hand, if they value direct conversations and prefer hearing someone’s voice, a phone call might be a better choice.

Additionally, think about the nature of your relationship and the level of comfort you both have with each method. If you had a close and intimate relationship, an in-person meeting may be more suitable for reconnecting on a deeper level.

2. Assess the potential impact of each communication method

Each communication method carries its own advantages and disadvantages. Text messages provide a sense of distance and allow both parties to respond at their own pace, but they can also be misinterpreted due to the lack of tone or facial expressions. Phone calls offer more immediate interaction but may catch your ex off guard if they are not prepared for a conversation. In-person meetings provide the most personal connection but may require more planning and could potentially create more pressure or discomfort.


  • Consider what feels most comfortable to you as well, as your own ease will affect how you come across during the conversation.
  • If unsure, start with a text message to gauge their response before moving on to other methods.
  • Respect their preferred method even if it differs from yours.

Navigating Past Issues: How to Discuss Them When Reconnecting with Your Ex

1. Acknowledge past issues without dwelling on them

If there were significant issues or conflicts during your relationship that need addressing, it’s important to acknowledge them when reconnecting with your ex. However, avoid dwelling on these issues excessively or placing blame solely on one party. Instead, focus on expressing your desire for growth and understanding.

You can say something like, “I know we had our fair share of challenges in the past, but I believe we’ve both grown since then. I’d love to reconnect and see if we can build a positive and healthy friendship moving forward.”

2. Approach past issues with empathy and understanding

When discussing past issues, approach them with empathy and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes and try to see things from their perspective. This will help create a safe space for open communication and show that you are willing to take responsibility for your own actions.

Avoid being defensive or dismissive of their feelings. Instead, validate their emotions and express your willingness to work through any lingering concerns or hurt.


  • Focus on the present moment rather than rehashing every detail of past conflicts.
  • Show genuine remorse for any pain you may have caused without over-apologizing.
  • Be open to listening to their perspective and be prepared for them to express their own grievances or concerns.

Topics and Shared Interests to Bring Up When Talking to Your Ex

1. Discuss common hobbies or interests

A great way to reconnect with your ex is by discussing common hobbies or interests that you both enjoy. Whether it’s a shared love for a particular sport, TV show, or hobby, bringing up these topics can help create a comfortable atmosphere and provide an opportunity for enjoyable conversation.

You could say something like, “I recently started watching [TV show] again, and it reminded me of how much we used to enjoy talking about it. Have you seen any new episodes?” This not only shows that you remember shared interests but also provides an easy entry point into the conversation.

2. Talk about personal growth or achievements

If you’ve both made significant changes or achieved personal goals since the breakup, discussing these accomplishments can be a positive and uplifting topic. Sharing your growth and achievements shows that you’ve moved forward in a positive way and can help rebuild trust and respect.

You could say something like, “I wanted to share with you that I recently got promoted at work. It’s been a challenging journey, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come. How about you? Have there been any exciting developments in your life?”


  • Choose topics that are light-hearted and enjoyable rather than heavy or controversial.
  • Avoid bringing up sensitive or painful topics unless your ex initiates the conversation.
  • Show genuine interest in their experiences and actively listen to what they have to say.

Should You Apologize for Past Mistakes Before Initiating Contact with Your Ex?

1. Assess the significance of your past mistakes

If you believe that your past mistakes played a significant role in the breakup or caused harm to your ex, it may be appropriate to apologize before initiating contact. Reflect on the specific actions or behaviors that contributed to the issues in your relationship and evaluate whether an apology is necessary for healing and moving forward.

However, if the mistakes were minor or if both parties share responsibility for the breakup, it might not be necessary to apologize before reconnecting. In such cases, focusing on positive aspects of rebuilding a friendship may be more beneficial.

2. Apologize sincerely and without expectations

If you decide to apologize, do so sincerely and without expecting anything in return. A genuine apology acknowledges the pain caused by your actions, takes responsibility for them, and expresses a desire for personal growth.

Avoid making excuses or justifying your behavior. Instead, show empathy and understanding for the impact your actions had on your ex. Keep the apology focused on your own growth rather than trying to convince them to give you another chance.


  • Consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through any unresolved issues before reaching out.
  • Be prepared for different responses and reactions from your ex, including acceptance, skepticism, or rejection of your apology.
  • Avoid placing blame solely on yourself or excessively apologizing, as this can create an imbalanced dynamic in the conversation.

Gauging Receptiveness: Signs That Your Ex is Open to Reconnecting or Just Having a Casual Conversation

1. Positive and engaged response

An obvious sign that your ex is open to reconnecting is when they respond positively and engage actively in the conversation. They may ask follow-up questions, share personal experiences, or express enthusiasm about reconnecting.

If they seem genuinely interested in continuing the conversation and maintaining contact beyond the initial interaction, it’s a good indication that they are receptive to rebuilding a connection.

2. Willingness to meet in person

If your ex expresses a willingness to meet up in person after initial contact, it suggests that they are open to reconnecting on a deeper level. Meeting face-to-face allows for more meaningful conversations and provides an opportunity to gauge each other’s emotions and intentions directly.

However, keep in mind that some people may be more comfortable starting with casual conversations before progressing to in-person meetings. Respect their pace and comfort level when making plans.


  • Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues during the conversation, such as tone of voice, body language, and overall enthusiasm.
  • Don’t rush the process. Rebuilding a connection takes time and requires mutual willingness.
  • Be open to the possibility that your ex may only be interested in a casual conversation or friendship rather than rekindling a romantic relationship.

Pitfalls and Mistakes to Avoid When Initiating Contact with Your Ex

1. Being overly pushy or persistent

Avoid being too pushy or persistent when reaching out to your ex. Respect their boundaries and give them space if they are not responsive or show disinterest in reconnecting. Pressuring them into a conversation or relationship can create tension and potentially damage any chances of rebuilding a connection.

2. Bringing up past grievances immediately

While it’s important to address past issues eventually, bringing them up immediately when initiating contact can create an uncomfortable atmosphere and put your ex on the defensive. Instead, focus on establishing positive communication first before delving into more sensitive topics.


  • Respect their decision if they do not respond or decline your invitation to reconnect.
  • Avoid playing mind games or using manipulative tactics to gain their attention or affection.
  • Take responsibility for your own emotions and avoid placing blame solely on your ex for the breakup.

Maintaining a Positive and Respectful Tone When Conversing with Your Ex

1. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements

To maintain a positive and respectful tone during conversations with your ex, focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This shifts the focus to your own feelings and experiences rather than placing blame or making assumptions about their thoughts or actions.

For example, instead of saying, “You always used to ignore my feelings,” try saying, “I felt unheard at times during our relationship.” This approach allows for open dialogue without coming across as accusatory or confrontational.

2. Practice active listening

Show respect and genuine interest in what your ex has to say by practicing active listening. Give them your full attention, maintain eye contact (if in person), and avoid interrupting. Reflect back on what they’ve said to ensure you understand their perspective before responding.

Avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about their intentions or emotions. Instead, ask clarifying questions if needed and remain open-minded throughout the conversation.


  • Avoid sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, or any form of disrespect during the conversation.
  • Take breaks if the conversation becomes heated or too emotionally charged. It’s important to prioritize both your emotional well-being and theirs.
  • Show appreciation for their time and willingness to engage in the conversation, even if it doesn’t lead to a rekindled relationship.

When Not to Start a Conversation with Your Ex: Signs It’s Best to Stay Apart

1. Unresolved emotional wounds</

In conclusion, starting a conversation with an ex requires careful consideration and sensitivity. It is important to approach the situation with respect, honesty, and open communication in order to foster a healthy dialogue and potentially rebuild a connection.

Want to Improve Your Looks And Body?

Join The Newsletter

Join a private group & unlock exclusive content. Its 100% FREE. You can unsubscribe at any time. 

WAIT! Before you go….

For Men 18-35 & Single. Join The Dating Site With A 92.63% Success Rate! 😍

Discover where thousands of men are actually succeeding with dating in 2023.